not only was i away from my grandma but now i was ten and in hell

So my moms boyfriend was a raging alcoholic every night he fell asleep with a beer in his hand and his loaded shot gun between his legs or at his side. my day basically consisted of getting up frantic for school with my screaming and bitching(how she gets no help, shes all on her own, and we didn't care) She just had to bitch and complain and it was an everyday everynight occurence. Then when i got home from school i was to do the dishes, do the laundry, vaccuum all the rooms take out garbage, make all the beds and clean everything. Basically i was a ten year old slave. If i didn't do it perfect or finish everything i got bitched at. what ten year old knows how to do anything Perfect as if i were a house keeper. Gee perhaps i was a child. that could be it. then i did get to enjoy my soaop opera before they came home. Guiding light... my way to escape into fantasy land.

then when they would get home i had to help with whatever my mother was bringing in. she again started the bitching then of course smoke after after smoke.. which choked me constantly. keith and her would go relaz in the living room and i would stay hibernated in my bedroom. alone and sad.

i liked different funky things and now i was in school district where there were 25 in my graduation class and not even 330 in the whole school.
i started there at Duanesburg elementary in 5th grade. i hated it. i hated everything about it. they made me take these entrance exams even though they knew what levels i was in so i pissed. So i just filled in anything in all the boxes b/c i couldn't be bothered. it was exactly rebellion it was more me thinking how hard was it to contact my older school to see where i was it. communication it is important duh.

back to dinner we would eat at the table together. i would hardly talk. nothing to talk about and they didn't seem to care. and of course my mothers boyfriend had to tru to be the big man on campus. he put me down told me i was fat. told me i was a loser and never going to amount to anythinng. he knew i loved madonna so he took her playboy layout and threw it on kitchen table. theres your idol he said. i remember thinking good for her. It was then that i decided if she could dc it i could do it.
So while my moms boyfriend tried to ruin my thoughs on my idol. He only strengthened them and moved my motivation into my soul.

At night i would go to bed after all their bitching how i didn't spend time in the living room with them. why with bitching and fighting and cigarette smoke. gee what ten year old would want that.

this was my life four five years. my grades sufferred. kids picked on me whether it was because my mom was poor and i wasn't stylish or b/c i danced to a different groove. i loved fashion, music, photos and funky styles. i was mostly a loner with a few friends.