today i was thinking about how i grew up with my cousin we did everything together.  when i think of memories of her they are all good. we did dance and gymnastics and trips and just everything together.  then in our first few years of college even though we were family we grew apart.  i knew it was happening. i hated it but i thought it was her choice. we all have our lives and grow in separete ways or similar..  whatever.

so she got married i didn't go to wedding but i wasn't invited.  but invited and i don 't know why... i thought she was too young anyway.. early 20.. later they got seperated and she was pregnant with best mans child. he is awesome kid.  sensitive smart and sweet and absolutely POLITE!!  rarity these days.  so she married the best man joe... recently they got seperated and she came to my birthday last summer and was the cousin i knew. she was like and is like the a sister to me.  i have a sister but shes 12 years younger and we are not close. i actually think she has alot of anger towards me b/c i wasnt active in her life but i was older and lived with my grandmother. what can i do.. it is what it is...

anyway my cousin has been more social unfortunatley ner and her husband.. second one are seperated and i don't know why she wasn't tight with me when they were together but selfishly i am happy she is friendly with me again.  i truly am..

i don't think my sister sister and i will repair our relationship.
i am not going to feel bad for circumstances and life happening and i am not going to chase someone. i wanted to develop a relationsihp but maybe there isn't one to develop. i have to accept it and move on.